Macon Magazine

in her yard to social distance or at the Compassionate Friends' remembrance garden at North Peach Park in Byron. But meetings are still sparse and hugging and other human expressions have become "ask permission" activities. "We still need each other, though," she said. "Probably more than ever." While restrictions may be easing, contact remains problematic and grief 's impact is real, widespread and affects everyone to varying degrees. "We all know the pandemic, social distancing and things we throw under terms like 'new normal' affect us, but I wonder if we realize how deeply," Allen said. "Big things are obvious. Death. Not being able to have funerals. Losing businesses or putting off long-anticipated weddings – we know these hit us hard. But little things add up and have an impact, too. "For me, a huge UGA fan, not going to games may not be so big overall, but it's a big part of my 'normal' and I've lost that. We all have little losses, most of us a lot of them. Even weekly routines like going to the grocery store, getting our hair fixed or getting a meal out. Do we even feel safe going over to someone's house? We've lost ways of living, plans, possibilities and all that touches us more than we realize. Saying we just want to 'get back to normal' indicates loss. We're grieving individually and collectively." Are we dealing with it? Allen said yes and no. "Again, you have to go back to the fact that there's no single, right or wrong way to grieve and that we all heal in somewhat different ways," she said. "I haven't heard of specific groups on COVID-19 yet but we have to be aware and know that processing emotions in such an isolated atmosphere is tough. You may feel anxious or out of sorts or other things and think, 'it's just me.' But really, there's this larger, oppressive situation. Don't just suffer. Reach out." Allen warned even though it's too early to benefit from research and statistics regarding mental health and the pandemic, it's clear to those offering direct care that people are dealing with more issues. And she warns one statistic is clear: ere's an uptick in suicide. At all times, and especially at this time, Chidester urges active compassion. "Please," she said, "be aware of one another and love one another. It's OK to reach out. ere's always a way." Find hope after grief Despite the challenges, Chidester and Allen are optimistic because, although grief is never eliminated, healing can be found. Teresa Tomkins agreed. She carries her own story of grief and the loss of a child, and has known Chidester for a dozen years. She vouched for Chidester's compassion, saying she herself has been helped by her – or perhaps it's that the two of them, along with others, have helped each other. Tomkins is now a Compassionate Friends co-leader and has seen the good that comes from it as well as the Grief Recovery Method's eight-week course and Grief Share's 13-week, faith-based program like the one Chidester leads at Byron City Church. "ey are different ways to similar ends," Tomkins said. "ere is hope. You can survive, but you need to learn to deal with grief, to handle it, and often that comes through community and people who often come to feel like family." As for, Chidester, her journey continued. Married to attorney Michael Chidester, who is also Byron's mayor, the two are the happy parents of a son, Kenneth-Michael Chidester. "Still, it was Mickey who made me a mother and that has stuck with me," she said. "And it's what helped me become someone who cares deeply about others going through grief – all kinds of grief – and who wants to help. You don't get over grief, but finding meaning and hope beyond it can certainly help tame it." To find help in your grief, contact Karla Chidester at 478-954- 4592 or karla.chidester@cox.net and River Edge Behavioral Health at river-edge.org. LISTENING WITHOUT JUDGING THEIR GRIEF CAN BE SO IMPORTANT. IF YOU LISTEN, THEY'LL PROBABLY TELL YOU WHAT THEY NEED." -KARLA CHIDESTER " ASHLEY ALLEN IS DIRECTOR OF MACON-BIBB COUNTY SERVICES AT RIVER EDGE BEHAVIORAL HEALTH 70 maconmagazine.com | DECEMBER/JANUARY 2021

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