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74 l MACON MAGAZINE FEBRUARY/MARCH 2013 As one of the biggest and most potentially stressful events of your life, getting engaged and subsequently planning a wedding brings with it an onslaught of questions. As times change and weddings evolve, traditional rules of etiquette have followed suit, sometimes only adding to the confusion. To gain perspective, first understand that etiquette is, above all, about treating people with courtesy and making them feel comfortable. When an etiquette question arises as you plan your special day, consider the feelings of those who will be affected. Some of the most common wedding etiquette dilemmas involve the family, the invitations, gift-giving, attire and money. Avoid an invitation fiasco: If an invited guest is married, engaged or living with a significant other, that partner must be included in the invitation. A single invitation addressed to both individuals should be sent to spouses or couples who live together, while separate invitations should be sent to each member of an engaged or long-term couple who don't live together. Inviting single guests with a date is a thoughtful gesture, but is not required. To invite or not invite children is a huge question among brides, and is a situation that can quickly get ugly. Make your decision and stick with it – then inform your guests through carefully addressed invitations. Children over 18 who are invited to the wedding should receive their own invitations, regardless of whether or not they live with their parents. If you don't send them an invitation, it's clear they're not invited. Children under 18 who are invited to the wedding should have their name included on the invitation. If you're still worried that some guests may add write-ins on their reply card, print the names of those invited on the reply card as well. Gift-giving and gift-getting: Yes, everyone likes to get gifts, and weddings are a perfect occasion for gift-giving. Friends and loved ones customarily honor the commitment of the newly engaged by showering them with gifts. As the happy couple, just remember to always feel privileged – not entitled. A few wedding gift pointers: DO NOT print registry information on the invitation. DO publicize your registry information by word of mouth only. DO NOT explicitly request cash gifts; your close friends or family members can inform guests of your preferences if asked. DO return all gifts – even shower and engagement gifts – if the wedding is called off. DO respond to each gift with a personal hand-written thank you note within two weeks of receiving the gift, or within two weeks of returning from your honeymoon. Cash Bar or Not? Yes, weddings are expensive. Yes, couples should be on the lookout for budget-saving tips. But never, under any circumstances, should you ever consider hosting a cash bar at your reception. Think about it: You would never ask anyone to pay for a cocktail in your own home. People at your reception are still your guests, even if the event is not held in your home. That said, if a full bar is not within your budget, consider a soft bar (champagne, beer and wine are offered). Appropriate apparel: Guests should dress appropriately for the occasion. Unless the wedding is on the beach, the proper wedding attire should be followed: Men should wear jackets and ties and women should wear dresses. And it's very bad form to wear white unless you happen to be the bride walking down the aisle. At no time is etiquette more necessary than at a wedding. Because of all the people involved, it's best to follow the proper protocol so toes don't get stepped on and people don't get hurt. M WEDDING ETIQUETTE AND RULES COURTESY OF EMILY POST AND MARTHA STEWART. T h e D o 's a n d D on ' t s of " I D o " by lisa pritchard mayfield Weing Etiquee A Few Rules for the Guests: Don't assume that the couple knows you're coming to their wedding. You must send back your reply card before the "Reply By" date. If you have declined an invitation, you are not expected to send a gift. If you arrive at the church during the procession, you should wait until the bride has gone down the aisle before entering. And don't peek through the doors to watch because you'll be in her photos. If you are late for the ceremony, you should walk down an outside aisle, not the center aisle, and find a seat quickly and quietly. If you are of a different faith, you are not required to participate in the rituals, but if you want to, that's fine. If your children have been invited to the wedding and are present, please see to it that they are properly behaved. Noth- ing ruins a wedding like unruly children. All wedding guests must buy the couple a gift, and the gift should be something they both can use.